You can't spell 'self esteem' without 'festee'.

A homeless man told me I looked "very nice today".

I can't help but want to parse this for hidden meaning.

Does this mean that he sees me often and thinks I look nice today, as opposed to other days? Is he being patronising (pretty galling coming from a guy with things living in his facial hair)? Did he sense I needed a bit of a pick-me-up, after my ego-crushing credit card application ("I don't have any assets, I guess. Do first editions count?" "Ha, they're not worth anything. Do you have a car?")?

You know what? I'm going to return those overdue Woody Allen and Curb Your Enthusiasm DVDs today. I've overdosed on neuroses.


Oh, and housewarming at our place this Saturday. Be there!

Mag Nation-ation-ation

Still no internets, but breaking news: no money! I'm going to Sydney in 2 days, and my budget for the next 10 days is $30/day. Hmmm. I'm no mathematician, but that seems to me to add up to a whole lot of at-home scrabble and no food.

Oh, and poetic justice chose to kick in nicely last night with a $160 fine for dodging tram fare.

Poverty makes me grumpy. I was really enjoying my misery until a homeless guy asked me for change, saying he hadn't eaten in days. Thanks for putting everything in perspective, arsehole.

Australia On Collins

I'm back to stealing internets again, though this time it's actually legitimate (ie. in a mall that offers free wireless as opposed to the alley behind my house).

Updates will continue to be sporadic until this situation improves, as I can't be bothered walking lappy down the road that often. Plus, the girl sitting next to me in this mall is eating a chocolate eclair and sniffing, which is turning me off the public internet experience altogether.

I do have a new celebrity sighting to report: Keanu Reeves. Not actually in the bookshop, but in the posh restaurant next door. And not just in the posh restaurant next door, but in the posher upstairs part. Posh squared.

Okay, now the guy on the other side of me is singing to himself. I'm gone.

Up And Out

It'll probs be radio silence for the next little while, folks, what with moving in to the new apartment and lack of internet access in said apartment. Check back in a week or so.

*click*

*beeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeep*

Statement Of Principle, Public Transport Edition

People for whom I will give up my seat on the tram, or otherwise allow to beat me to the next available free seat:

• the usual suspects: old people, limping people and pregnant people (NB. The latter category is a bit iffy, and Your Host would recommend proceeding with caution lest Regular-Not-Pregnant Fatty gives you an icy stare thereby forcing you, for face-saving's sake, to get off at the next stop and pretend that was your plan all along.)
• those carrying lots of stuff or looking generally pooped
• those who have clearly paid to ride the tram when I have not

However, it is every man for himself if:

• that person is wearing unattractive footwear (I'm looking at you, girl in black lace-up ugg boots);
• that person is grotesquely obese (Greater Good principle - two people can sit where one larger person sits); or
  
• I really, really want to sit down.

Can I Borrow Some Ears?

I was going to say that I've been adding music to my computer all weekend, then I realised it was Wednesday. How did that happen?

Not That Kind Of Peepshow

Try to be a glass-is-not-only-half-empty-but-also-has-lipstick-stains- on-it guy while looking at this.

(Number 5 = definite favourite, followed closely by numbers 13, 23 and 33.)

Question

How racist is it to be wary of Italian bistros that are staffed entirely by Chinese people*?





*Sushi restaurants run only by Mexicans, etc.

I Was Hiccupping, Too. Will The Cliches Never End?

Ugh, sorry about that.

Drunken Blogging = Great

If I haven't told any of you recently, I love you all.

PS. $6 wine = great also

And So The Poor Doggie Had None

As of one hour ago, when I ate a carrot, I have no food in the house.

For serious. I have nothing but condiments, and almost none of those.

So, I'm revising my recipe request: if anyone has a recipe in which half a jar of mustard, a tablespoon of hoisin sauce and three wrinkled cherry tomatoes comprise the sole ingredients, I'd really appreciate it.

Books Be Where It's At

Famous people who have come into the bookshop since I've started working there:

• Dr Barry Jones
• John Clarke
• Kevin Rudd

Some of the famous people who came into the bookshop before I started working there:

• Paul Keating
  
• Seamus Heaney
• Salman Rushdie

'Super Student' Has Replaced 'Danger' As My Middle Name

I have done the readings for my grammar class TWO WEEKS before they need to be done.

And you know what? Those readings are really useful. They contain all kind of information relating to the stuff you're studying, and consolidate the things you learn in class. Why did no one tell me this before?

It might have made the previous 17 years a little more productive.

The Asbestos Chef

I'm moving in with Em and Simon in a couple of weeks. We have lovely ideas about shopping for fruit and vegies at the Queen Victoria Markets and cooking collectively.

Does anyone have any good recipes (preferably vegetarian, sans bread or pasta and cheap to prepare)?

I'll list my cooking repertoire, just so you don't post something that I already know how to make:

Accidental Dhal

Red lentils
Onions
Stock
Cumin

1. Intend to make lentil soup.
2. Put water and lentils in a pot and boil.
3. Realise you didn't put in enough water and the lentils are still solid.
4. Realise you forgot to add stock to the water or to include the onions.
4. Add a shitload of cumin.

Asian Vegetables

Vegetables
Steam
Hoisin sauce

1. At the back of the fridge, find some broccoli and carrots that you bought from the markets a couple of weeks ago.
2. Put in a colander; put colander on top of pot of boiling water.
3. Take the vegetables out of the colander whenever you feel like it. It really doesn't matter.
4. Add a shitload of hoisin sauce.

Salade aux Légumineuses

Tins of beans
Vinegar
Salt

1. With your lousy $2-store can-opener, open a tin of chickpeas that you bought from Aldi (too cheap for ring pulls).
2. Open a tin of lentils in the same fashion.
3. Combine.
4. Add a shitload of salt and vinegar.

(Estimated can-opening preparation time: 20 minutes)

Sushi

$1.40

1. Buy a california roll from that cheap place on Lonsdale Street.

(NB. DO NOT ADD A SHITLOAD OF WASABI)

They're Building An Army Against Us.

Now there's a blue pair of undies in the laundry. Actually, I think these ones might have been there longer than the bathroom ones, given how dusty they are.

If that is the case, why choose to reveal themselves now? I can only surmise that, like cockroaches roaming through a filthy kitchen in broad daylight, they sense that they have the upper hand and that we are powerless to stop them.

Take whatever cautionary measures you deem appropriate.